hmm i hate homework now..hmm...it's like never ending..only glad to finish a bit of maths..but super horrifying as well, when i couldnt do many of the questions..stressed ba..

hmm today..did nothing ba..except the econs thingy which was out to kill..some many parts for one day..one day three parts...crazy la..

hmm today i managed to finish my book. the author of the book wrote in such a depressing tone..haiz..it is like he was abused by his mum..at the age of 9 and by the time he was fifteen, he was still abused by her, in greater forces, bleeding each time. He wanted to stand up for himself at times..but because when he was small, he was told by his mum that he was worthless, shameful..not part of her family..not part of the house..he was part of nothing....and that would shatter his pride...and even self-worth.And often, he would run down to the basement to cry..as he thinks that the cold concrete walls of the basements would be strong enough to contain all his fears which he would never let his mother( because she would then control him using these fears)..contains all his fears...and at times, in the morning when the morning dew flows into the basement, he would think that the cold concrete walls were actually crying with him..in fact for him.

It is pretty sad, because everytime he stands up for himself, memories of him being that young boy ( or rather IT) being abused will instil fear in him. haiz...to sum up, the book basically told about his guilt about abusing his brother, David. In the book, it wrote.."I was allowed to torture and abuse IT ( which is David)..in fact i was encouraged by Mom......To make myself think that i was worth of mom's love, i acted as Mom's little Nazi..rattling on IT. At times out of sympathy and pity, i would place my half-eaten sandwich at a corner of the basement, hoping that IT would find it and eat it ( for he was only allowed to eat only a few times a week)...but often, it acted as a tool...an excuse for setting IT up..." "And everyone of us, was customed to tune out the screams and cries coming out from IT which is being tortured by Mom in the basement"...

Soo sad..nearly cried..esp in the night..the cold concrete walls..hmm and in the book, it even talked about the retribution of the author...(which occupy the entire book)..hmm after David left, he was the next victim. often, he wasnt allowed to wash up..to wash his clothes..in fact, for years, he has been wearing the same set of clothes ( only 1 set)...and shoes.....and there was one time that he was driven to desperation that he walked to his father's cupboard and took a rifle. he wanted to kill his mother..until he heard a small voice. God's voice.

hmm the book is rather interesting..on how the young he ( 15 yr old) dwells on the past too much..soo much that he acted like a fearful young child in a 15 yr body..

haha...learnt many many thing from this book...and once again, touching books would put me on the thinking mode again.

hmm oh ya..my sis asked me today what i wanted for christmas gift...and she hinted to me that she got a tight budget. hmm all i want for christmas is....a trip to Gracehaven again, to see those kids.