Lame

Today's a rather lame day..finally met someone that is much much much more lamer than alvin..hahaz..alvin's sworn brother? juz laming..:)

rather crappy and rubbishy today..supposed to go queensway to shop but in the end, we went there and walked ard a bit, then realised that we r a bit too early and took a bus to town..and then stupid irwin saw my ezlink card!!! super embarrassing..that stupid photo..i hope he deletes it and then forgot all about it....( and later, i was soo stupid and jian ting saw my ezlink card too....-.-..)

town is nice, at least for not going town for like at least 2 months,...kinda hanging out at Bugis these days..wanted to buy my earrings but in the end, it's too expensive..wanted to find a look-alike for it...but oh well, it's just difficult. ( it's hard to go shopping, when you dun hav the money..:(...and as usual, irwin ended up buying more stuff than me..hmm he this poor boy, today is a rather bad bad bad day for him..the atm card, then the security check, then the usher dress code and more..haiz..jia you ba..

hmm service is nice today..it's kinda funny to realise how God has truly planned your life as well as my life...i was kinda reading the devotional of putting first things first,and guess what? today's devotional mention a bit of putting first things first!!!

hmm after serv, we went for dinner..and then me and jt went high liao...( im high due to the drilling at now...super noisy and im crazy enough to do a gp aq question during the drilling...and he's high coz he lack sleep..)..two high people= crapping on the train la, like no one's business.....the talk about he and irwin's child- keenan...and other more rubbishy and random stuff about height, criteria and more...hahas...kinda killed each other on the way back home..:)

from today onwards, i promised myself that im not going to get myself hurt anymore.

hmm im back!! :)

today's a rather werid day though..hmm...shall not elaborate, but today sure feels werid, just cant help but felt as though i have seen masks...faked expressions...you can just feel it using your heart, and i often use my gut feeling ( or rather heart ) to feel, so im kinda sensitive to these stuffs..hmm just cant help but feel that moo moo is kinda upset over the ponning thingy,we really really didnt co-ordinate to pon school on that same day today!! oh well...

learnt an important lesson though...learnt that often what we wish, we dun get what we want. So in the first place, why wish? maybe it's just to comfort us...on the superficial level..just look at my watch..haiz..it will just take me another long period of time before i get it..currently suffering from the effects of an expansionary fiscal policy- budget deficit...haiz..

yesterday was a kinda werid day too...went to the lib to study with papa, coz my house was kinda having renovations ( digging up of stuff) outside the house...super noisy la.it's rather amusing to see how someone actually blends in with the floor of the lib :) ...oh well..

i dunno why, but everytime when my birthday comes, i just wanna buy new stuff...:) ....haiz...

sssssstttttuuppiiddd renovations is on...AGAIN!!! how stupid is it. my head is cracking, splitting liao...oh did i mention that i got back my chem test? as usual, i got shot by paul cheong la..he said that im kinda long winded, writing irrevelant stuff, but the problem is :: THAT'S MY HABIT LA. WHAT CAN I DO? ANYWAY I WRITE THAT MUCH, COZ I DUNNO HOW TO DO IS TO BEGIN WITH.AND IF HE THINKS THAT SHOOTING PEOPLE IS FUN, THEN IT'S SAD, COZ HE DUN HAVE A LIFE.

tong hua:)

hmm today's sch is rather crappy in a sense..free periods here and there ( maths periods) ..

chemistry lecture was rather fun with that interesting lecturer..kinda liked the way he teaches..cool..funny..then bio lecture was Zzzzzzz ( eyes opened, but in screen-saver mode)..econs was rather funny..because everyone wanna sleep but had to keep awake, in case that woman call us to stand at the back of the LT....chem tutorial was rather ok ba ( oh ya, i finally figured out NMR!! thanks to eric....he kinda died when he taught me that..coz i kept asking him to repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat what he said..)..then gp..then PE...and nothing more in sch liao.

but life aft sch was rather interesting today..saw a 12 oclock..( eric would know who im referring to...but im not a stalker loh..it's just that 'it' lives in the same neighbourhood as me la..but 'it' fulfill all 5 criteria of the tall, dark, honest thingy.....)

hmm mixing with that right type of friends...where did i read this from? hmm cant remember.

at times, i truly feel as though im a whale, in a river, when i actually belonged to the sea.

maybe it's just my crappy mood once again..the mood whereby i truly dun feel like doing anything but just stare into space..im tired. I wanna run away from everything..but i cant....and now, the only thing i can do is to rest all my burdens on my bestest best friend, Jesus....sometimes im just simply guilty about not following all my promises made to him...sometimes i just cant find the determination and perservence to fulfill the promises...im guilty of that...Lord, i just pray that in what things i do, grant me with the perservence and determination to fulfill the promises i made to you.

Just grant me the strength to overcome all these problems, to go through this period of difficulty...just grant me the strength to just believe in you...and do whatever you command me to do.
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sometimes, there's something that i always wanna tell...wanna ask...wanna say...but eventually nothing comes out of my mind..maybe it's because im kinda indecisive,..maybe sometimes i just shouldnt think too much, consider too much, just do whatever that needs to be done....but can i? im not sure...im really not sure...im just kinda helpless and i hate it this way.

anyway, dun ask me whether im alright. Just stand next to me.

hmm im kinda liking the tong hua song again..simply love the rythmn..

hmm so many things i wanna do now..*(sudden urge)..hahas..feeling the impulse to run away from school, go to a far far away place...like Tokyo??
hahas..or go live in a house with lavender field..sweet smelling lavender (together with lots of mosquitoes and other pests)...or

go to the beach, feeling the fresh sea breeze..feeling the salty air filling ur nostrils..hmmm...or

rather go shopping...buying the bags i wanna buy...those beautiful earrings... as well as that 'with love' album that i wanna buy...hmmm...i wanna eat eat eat eat jumbo crabs..banana split icecreams...hmm i wanna sleep in the open, with the star-lit sky as my ceiling, and the earth as my bed...i wanna hold all the stars in my hands....simply sooo sooo much dreams...

hahas...day-drreaming again...:)

hmm today's maths is simply fun and great...maths tution never fails to keep me happy...despite everything..and not to mention God as well...i saw the sunrise today!! super nice...as you see a huge red ball of fire, slowly crawling up the dark skies...gradually lighting the entire life up...just like the way the earth rotate around the moon( is that correct?hmm cant remember..), i just wanna rotate my life around God and God..and only God...hmm i wanna go for service!!Im kinda suffering from withdrawal symptons...hmm :(

read the Straits time article today...about the girl who got cancer..hmm and think a lot....if even the ant struggles to survive, why cant all of us have the will to hang on and live....hmm random thinking after reading previous article of people dying (online)...hmm....
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i love love love tong hua song...i love love love orange.....and i love love love maths.....and i lve lve lve God...:)

Backbreaking experience

hmm this week..= backbreaking experience.

it's indeed amazing to see and feel God's presence everywhere even in the hospital...He just stayed with me throughout these few horrifying hours of my life, in the hospital with him.:) hmm went to SGH A&E yesterday, waited for very long before see the doctor..went for xray. I dunno why, but as I lie on the bed for the xray, fear suddenly crept in. It's just a werid feeling, but at that point of time, i really feel as though im dying la..it's silly but true, as the deafening silence of the theatre echoed....haiz..

walked around, and noticed many people... those with broken legs...bleeding arms...kinda scary....

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back pain. back aches. haiz, im kinda getting old liao. hmm this week is kinda just flying past me..chem test then...it's friday liao..and we didnt go swimming this week!! Im kinda crazy, kept on feeling like running...but these few weeks, im able to run fast!!! hmm i think it's due to the fact that i suddenly felt as though im back in crescent...back in those days ( in crescent days), we had mass run on tues and thurs...and each time, we got to run like abt 1.6 km within 10 min?? if not, we will get locked out of school, and had to run further....poor us, right?? anyway, those days were great...talking and running....

and of course, jc life is beginning to be much greater than crescent days...random crapping with claire is super funny...common interest cum discovery!! hahas...everyone is turning a bit werid and funny..kinda switching personalities...but it's ok, i think.

oh, and i made an interesting discovery today...
When i feel hungry,i would just sub-consciously go to claire's blog, to stare at the pictures of food!!!
When i kinda needed motivation...needed optimism,i will go to karmen's blog!!
When i kinda needed advice, i will go to irwin's blog..(though it's kinda dead)..
When im really bored and exercise my eye-power, i will go to eric's blog..with all the words squashed together!!

hahas...random discovery!!
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The greatest gift on earth is not diamond rings, huge bungalows, posh cars, but the gift of LIFE.

Life is the greatest gift from God. :) it's great being alive again!( after the trip to A&E)

lalalalalalala...hahas..anyway today is a great day!! yeah!!

anyway today i finally managed to buy the gift for my dear mummy's bday! hahas..super funny, coz it's like 'i thought that she doesnt know what im buying for her', while ' she knows it and is just waiting for me to ask her whether it's the correct one that she likes',..super funny la..

notice how stubborn i am..first to Bugis, then to city link, then to Bugis..then back to city hall once again...just to get the pendant which i simply saw at Bugis SK jewellery..hahas..oh well, it's just me..stubborn me..( i always happened to buy stuff from the very first shop i see..dunno why)..anyway despite the hard work, it's worth it, especially the moment i see my mummy's face lit up...with a big smile!! hahas..now she's kinda wearing the pendant everywhere..:)

anyway, i love my papa la..he's just being kind and patient, for accompanying me to go to these two places back and fro, within 5 hours plus..:) hahas..and oh yes, papa got bad taste...can tell right? just look at the way he choose things..haiz..he needs professional advice from me..hahas..anyway today's laska at Bugis was disappointing ( i wanted to eat lor mee, but the stupid uncle said that it wasnt really ready..so i settled for laska, which turned out worse..) ....

oh..before i forgot, did i tell u guys abt the disgusting books me and papa see in kino?? the books are disgusting la..actually showing nude pictures, and people in super misleading poses and disgusting poses!!! oh my my!! anyway, i liked the other two books...one on babies ( showing different pictures of babies..like them yawning together, stretching their hands, sitting under the piano..arrr..so cute!!) ...as well as the love book- it said that " The most beautiful things on earth cannot be seen or touched, instead they can only be felt by the heart" ...nice right?

today's seafood trip is super funny..at first we were kinda worried that it may rain...and you know that east coast is a low lying area..but in the end, it rained after we finished eating and left east coast!! yeah, praise Lord..prayers work k! anyway back to the eating part, we kinda ordered all fried stuff la...prawns, fried scallops, fried you tiao, mee, satay, and my fav chilli crab!! :) yeah!

hmm today is a great day....except for the fact that i cant go church..*sobs*...i wanna goooooooooo...
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Use your heart to see things that can't be seen or touched.:)

The traditional clock has 12 numbers, 1-12. And out of these, i love 1 and 2 o'clock...while karmen loves 11 o'clock and maybe 9 o'clock...=P hahas...

hmm these few days have been kinda werid to be in a sense..as i totally dont know what to do exactly, how to solve problems, and the ultimate question of what am i here for...anyway, thanks to God who is forever great, he sorta indicated something to me...

All these while, i had been trying hard to solve things on my own, to take things at my own hands. It's time to let go and let God.

" Those who hope in the Lord
They will renew their strength,
They will soar on winds like eagles,
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint."

today's chapel was a greeeeeaaaat one, though i kinda lost my voice during that time. =P

i dunno. maybe i know. but i hate to feel in this way. maybe it's just everyone who is feeling in this werid manner. but..sometimes i just cant help but notice something that is pretty glaring and sometimes, i really question myself. Did i really belong here? or im just kinda someone..who walks, talks and never really exists. Maybe when im needed, then im seen. I hate to admit this. But it's true, in my point of view. I'm hurt. It's just a mild feeling that starts from the heart initially, but as it grows, develops, and spreads, that feeling became so strong that it just suffocate me. Sometimes i feel hot tears slowly crawling up the throat. But they just dont flow out.

I'm tired of everything.
I'm just tired and torn.
If this is a nightmare, just let me wake up.

hmm yesterday was a great day!! was too tired to blog about it yesterday..anyway..now im blogging it..=)

yesterday i heard, i saw, i feel a healing God. ( the word " heard" was meant to be a pun..)important lesson learnt yesterday: With faith, everything is indeed possible. The blind are able to see again, the deaf to hear...with faith, no mountain is big enough for you to overcome. :) and learnt that Satan belongs to hell..was kinda funny, when the pastor asked everyone to repeat after him.." Satan...go to hell!!" hahas.:)

In times of difficulties, in times when you feel as though everything, everyone does not seem to hear you, to see you or notice your presence, in times when you feel like giving up...just hang on and remember that God will always be with you.

God will never leave you nor forsake you. That's for sure.
Although sometimes you feel that He's not around, just believe. Sometimes He goes to sleep, so that we will be awake- not to take things for granted.
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So...let us wake up every morning, loving Him!! hahas..i just came across this article today..

LOVE HIM IN THE MORNING
Love Him in the morning when you see the sun rising.

Love Him in the evening 'cause' He took you through the day.

And in the in-between time when you feel the pressure coming,

Remember that He loves you and He promises to stay.
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:)