hmm so devastating when u wrote a lot and then when u press the 'publish' button, u realised that ur server is not working. That 'u' mentioned is me. haiz..writing it again.

hmm...rather depressed over the past few days for no reasons..maybe i know it..but maybe its not.haiz, it's just a mild stinging feeling os depression spreading from the corners of your heart to different parts of the body...depressed yesterday too, and started flipping old stuff...like old files, photos which happen to be in the files...looking at those photos seemed to remind me of my younger times *(sound so old suddenly)*..haha..realised that i looked roughly the same except now i got eyebags and more pimples, and now i smile less.

when im young, i wish to grow up.
Now that im now growing up, how i wish i was young, so that i will not be that stressed.

hmm maybe i tend to focus too much on grades, rather than on God.....it is.
Grades are not everything, are they?
I tried to convince myself that, but is that the real truth?

I think God and grades are my everything. They exist together, but with different level of importance in my heart.

i felt god's presence strongly...never that strongly...since yesterday..

this morning, on my way to school, i dunno why but im just suddenly feel rather hopeful and happy......super happy...when i saw the golden ray of sunlight beneath those dark clouds....*(reminds me of the silver lining in the clouds)*.....as well as during morning worhsip this morning, i saw the sun. It has never shine that brightly, throughout the 17 years of my life...that warm bright sunshine falling onto your skin..that sunlight seemed to enter my heart and filled it with light again, just like a train in a dark tunnel, finding light again.

haha....

anyway, got back results today.rather ok, but kinda disappointed with chem...studied super hard but still ended up with a B, falling short of my expectations. nvm, i shall try harder.

and as for my gp, i must pass next time round. I will never give up, coz failure is success turned inside out.

No matter how many times i fail, i strongly believe that one day i will pass.

Trying to convince myself...as long as im confident, nothing is too difficult.

haha....anyway, i seriously need to thank God for his grace, blessing me all the way...thank Lord.

listening to the cross cd now...super nice..i simply fell in love with one song - Breathe.

Simply love the chorus...

You are my God
Closer to me
Than the air that i breathe
All that i am
Formed by your word
Im made in Your hands

Captivated
By your beauty
Falling deeper in You

Breathe into my soul
Spirit of God
Fill my life with your presence

Hide under Your shadow
DWell in your secret place
It's You I long to know

You are my song
In my darkest night
I will sing of your dawn
You fill my soul
With mercy and grace

Every day of my life I will wait on You
In Your presence my heart and strength renew
Every moment I live I will worship You
You've saturated my soul my heart flows
Rivers of living waters

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Now I dont want to do anything except - to only shine for God.