hmm....today and the days before...were days of tension..sorrows...frustrations...anger....avoiding....and stuff..

over these few days..many things happened...a war breaking out..building up tension...and these guys fighting over me?? feeling very guilty for causing the conflict..feeling rather hurt by what he actually said about me...it's true that i will be sad if he tells me up front....but it just hurts more after listening to what he said about me from others...

it's not that i dun care...it's not that im trying to avoid....it's not that im not angry...

it's just that im super hurt....
and yesterday...i cant believe that i simply have the courage to say sorry....i said sorry that he said that he's ok..no longer angry with us...but i know that...sometimes....taking action is more difficult compared to saying it...anyway...in an argument, one has to compromise...

nvm..enough of sad stuff....

* to karmen: moooooo, cheer up k? we shall brave all danger together....solving all problems together...^-^....

* to irwin: hey..dun be so pissed off la..dun worry too much...everything will eventually be solved...and if you need help...u can call us....to talk abt it..k? oh ya..happy bday!

* to claire: hey..thanks for everything!! dun worry i will try to differentiate between your stoned look and sad look soon...hahah...

* to cheryl: hmm..hey girl..dun be sad k? we will meet more often to go shopping together k? anyway...u still want that brown bag?

---------

Through trials, we will grow stronger and mature.
Through experiences, we shall be more decisive and tactful in solving problems.
Through problems, we learn the most valuable lesson - the ability to say sorry and mean it.

Cranberry juice..

hmm...i simply love cranberry juice!! so sweet...so nice...well, today's a pretty boring day..that stupif yet funny council investiture...haha...i saw that number 33 guy...very cute but short...just cant help notice the great difference in height..as he stood next to the president of student council...and that president is pretty humourous too...with the light my fire thing..haha...

after that....we have maths..( my fav!!! althouugh there's some parts i don't quite understand..nvm..when you love something...you just love it blindly..)...next was maths..tutorial...chem tutorial..bio lecture..econs..( funny with the ice kacang date...and the hockey stick as murder weapon..).chem lecture at the end....chem was complicated..haiz...

went home...now here...boring huh?...yup....now listening to BoA's songs...so nice...the Shine We Are...Jewel SOng...Valenti...so nice...simply love her soothing voice...

oh ya....claire, i don't have a target now. I don't like the previous target already.

hm...interesting day yesterday....i shall blog abt yesterday in today's entry...hmm..

basically..yesterday im super duper blur la..firstly, i knew that im supposed to reach redhill mrt at 12 30pm to help them in their chinese project la..and decided to leave home at 12 30 pm...crazy right? i still thought that i will reach there la..on time..nvm...in the end, i just took a cab there...not time..in the end, that stupid lizard was late...arghh..

nvm..the translation thing is fun! we translated all the funny stuff...like Jolin is Jay's rumoured girlfriend..became Jolin is Jay's rumoured female maid in chinese!!!...as well as the power station thing...it was group's name...but it turned out to be a real power station using the tanslator...worked till quite late...abt 4.35 before i left...still laughing at the TOBA cake stuff...when it's supposed to be lake toba..

left for 'movie'....in the end, i still didn't watch the movie...stupid him...booked the tickets..but then realised that he doesn't have a credit card to pay for it..nvm..in the end, we strolled in the orchard area from Plaza Singapore...( did i said that im lost on my way from redhill to P.S...i went to somerset..haiz...)...to hereen...before going to harbourfront...

hmm...harbourfront is great la!!! although there's not many shops to shop...but the scenery there is great!!ate at macs....and mixed all the sauces up....till it looks like vomit...but in the end, we still ate it up....and i saw my teacher...thgt tat it was her...but a bit out of shape..haha...went shopping....at the stupidest place..the stationary store...we were like...looking at highlighters...files...drawers...paper...printer papers...so stupid la..but fun...saw many of karmen's relatives on the way....saw many cows....

once again....the scenery of harbourfront is great....the night scenery...

hmm...anyway...someone still own me my bday present...which is date due...like how long? can't remember...haha...hey i want emerald...you said that you will get me that yesterday huh...haha...i want real ones...emerald- my birth stone...

anyway..thanks Malcolm...it's great shopping with you yesterday...although you cant get the tickets for the fantastic four movie.....

I wanna watch fantastic four!!!

hmm...im back! haha....maths tution is fun!!! With GP and AP...at first it's difficult, as im afraid of it...all those complicated formula and stuff...but then i realised that, as long as you fear nothing, nothing is impossible. I got evidence to support this claim k?

firstly, after finishing tutorial 14, 15...i fell in love with GP and AP!! so nice...that feeling of solving questions...crazy me...and then later, as i switched on the tv, the channel is showing " I NOT STUPID"...and then i only heard the last line...

" It's not whether u can a not, but it's all about whether you are willing a not..." willing to spend more time with maths.....and the things you fear...

Nothing is impossible....as long as you believe in dreams coming true...

Impossible doesn't exist in my dictionary...^-^

anyway...i watched the sunrise today..so nice!!! the whole sky just simply lighted up as the sun rose to the top...

hmm...read many pple's blogs....got waken up..aft slipping into the state of depression,....just know that i have to wake up and stop all these depression stuff although they are true...depression is not good..

felt a bit sad together....due to those sacastic remarks....felt so frustrated and angry that i nearly burst...but nvm thanks for moo moo the fire fighter...she cooled me down slightly...*( who says that lipids are only useful for making the fire bigger?)...rubbish la..haha....

aimless now......so sleepy la....i think that's due to mental exhaustion....
anyway...im learning to control my feelings well now.....learning..=)

and as for my exams, i did well...i met my unrealistic targets after one whole month of mugging...*(sacrificing my holidays)....and with lots of luck....feeling so dumb la....

no matter how well you play the game...eventually you will still be eliminated...game over...

life is a game.a gamble.a torture.

just wanna fall into a deep slumber..never waking up.

im feeling very terrible now....i felt as though someone has just ripped my heart into pieces before feeding them to the dogs....

im feeling very terrible and tired now....it's like...im tired of acting happy when im not...(coz if im not happy, then who is left to cheer the rest up?)...im tired of acting blur and stupid when im not...in fact i know a lot of things....im tired....im tired...of pretending that im happy when...im like bleeding inside.....

bleeding so badly....

suddenly i realised that no one understand me...not even myself...it's like...no one cares about how i feel....no one understands how terrible im feeling...suffering from pain that can only be felt by me....

im tired of acting happy when im not.

im tired of pretending not to like tthat person...tired to trying to convince myself that i don't like him...when i actually do.

im tired of keeping everything to myself...

i want to tell someone...but who can i tell? over the past few days..i tried calling my friends to talk to them..on the pretext that im bored..but...they were all not free....so...who can i confide in?

the feeling is terrible...and my depression mood is back in full swing.

i actually went to find a pen knife....to see how sharp it will be to cut my wrist...

im tired.i know that i should be strong...and not have these follish thoughts.

but i just want to be that me.

that me, who is not strong...who can express her feelings freely...

Crazy me

hmm...still happy over the fact that i got 17/50 for gp...when i expected a single digit..this feeling just the same as the feelings i have after knowing that i topped my class for maths..nearly topping the level as well. HHmmm..maths is the only subject that i truly enjoys...nvm..today i also know from my tutor that his other student in acjc also scored well..63/70 for maths...one mark less than me..hmm i should work even harder...

feeling sightly a bit sad..aft hearing the song..so depressing..the way he sings it...

anyway..today is a fine day considering the fact that we got shocked twice..with the gp and econs...the failing stuff and more...and the irritating talk..stupid la...and so stupid la...stupid karmen kept teasing me abt me and ham..saying that things will be true soon...go n die la....im certain that things will remain the same..


tml is thurs...so fast..the days fly...i hate bio...lcm...sounds like 1 cm..haha

= OuTiNg =

hmm...today is counted as a good day for me!! yeah!! coz i went shopping at last...shopping for peggy's bday present already...can't wait to give her the present...haha...

in the morning..im kinda disappointed after learning that cheryl can't go coz she's sick..with a fever...get well soon gal, k? drink more water and get more rest....wish her good luck for her oral..which is tml..hmm...in the end, i ended up going shopping with irwin..nvm...but it's fun la...dragging him into shops to see earrings..and stuff..joking with him to get his ears pierced and wearing a skirt....hahaha...anyway, the chicken rice at far east is soooo nice! im sure that im going back for more..although the place is a bit abit abit crammed...i counted..there's only nine tables..haiz..congestion. after lunch..we went around shopping...looking at shirts...and ate again...oh yes, did i mention that someone took half an hour to remove his shoe laces and to get the new ones in? haha....irwin even needs help in tying shoe laces....back to nursery for him...hahahaha....

later we went to meet karmen, claire, mandy at hmv..wanted to scare them..giving them a surprise...but they were non-responsive at first..haiz...then, together we went to shop at taka..walking around...drinking stuff...then my teeth got stained RED..looking like vampire...

later walked to cine to take neoprints..actually i dun like taking neoprints one...but then i suddenly wanted to keep all these memories that we are going to share in JC...so...change of mind. We were practically suffocating in that crammed area...screaming and shouting la...but it's fun..later, we drew and added lots of stuff on the pic...now, looking at the pictures....they are soo nice..

sooooo soooo happy today!!

sometimes..i simply hate the fact that im a thinker..haha..thinking too much...considering too much...that sometimes, my actions led to missed opportunties.

Tok to peggy online yesterday..it's funny...of how much she understand me..guessing everything about me correctly without much hints...it's like she understands me totally..understanding the way i think and act...what and who i like...it's funny..coz i didn't talk to her for a very long time already...everytime i meet her, it's like...just a normal conversation...never mind..yesterday's conversation is funny too...it ended with:

If he is meant to be yours, even if you give him up..fate will still bring you all together in the end.

haha...is that true? too magicial already....but im dumb enough to believe it.

didn't sleep much yesterday...kept thinking of a lot of stuff....like friendship and stuff...planning when to watch fantastic four with xiao yuan...wanting to watch lots of things too...want to get for everyone's bday present( although for many..their bdays are still far away...) and then i suddenly realised that I don't really know my friends that well. It's like....yes we can chat and stuff...and laugh...but i don't what they like, dislike, hate...their past and stuff...

Maybe..it's time to get to know them better.

And to peggy *(Michelle Pek)*:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *(although it's tomorrow)...I didn't forget your bday gal! Dun worry..i will give you your bday gift the first thing in the morning!!Love ya!

----
Well...let me elaborate on who's michelle pek..

She is the girl who looked like me..my twin sister before i changed to contact lenses.

Actually i knew her long ago, with the help of my friend..wan ran..hmm...and it's funny..but ever since we were in the same class...we are stuck together....and i used to call her every single day..making her house a headquarters...and even her sis and mum recognise my voice....

She is one who loves singing...playing violin..and BSB...haha..

She is one who thinks...and advise me on what to do...just like a big sister...

Anyway..big thank you to peggy....You really help me...when i'm at the lowest of my life.....

hmm...feelin like a piece of meat..rottin away at home...arghh..so bored after terms..arghh!

anyway..did nothing much today..surfing around...looking around..listening around...watching around..trying to figure out how to do a blogskin..but didn't succeed..coz i cant find tutorials on how to do a blogskin..

finally cooled down. dun worry guys, life is precious..i won't die that fast yet.

----

Revenge is sweet...but the best thing you can do is to love your enemies.

Morning..

Simply love today's morning! Caught a glimpse of today's sunrise..simply beautiful, as the sun rise high in streams of gold and red..hmm...just as magnificent as sunset..

Smell the nice fragrance of flowers today..so nice...so relaxing..hmm...

So bored now..totally dunno what to do...never mind...today i shall just surf the net again..play more and more games..buff my nails..do a bit of maths to warm up...cant leave without maths..haha...

Never mind..i think that tomolo i will be very very busy...shopping...with my friends...for Peggy's bday presents..and other stuff...

-----------

It's ironical when you actually don't mean what you said.

In an arguement, one party just have to give in.

cooling down after the fight....looking at pics....simply love the first pic..cool..

minutes ago im super duper happy...coz exams are over...n i wanna go out...to watch movies...to go shopping...to take a breathe...to step out of that life i detest...

but not...im in no mood...go to hell with her..this is the first time that i actually wanted to scold her with vuglarities...ask her go n die then...so what if she has depression...does it mean that she can do everything she likes...it's like after exams..and before that..i told her wrongly that i will be back home at abt 4 plus..but then i corrected that error..and told her abt 5 plus. but her stupid mind only register the first time that i told her..scolded me when i got back home..from a bad day....if she is not my mother, i would just slap her already....

stupid woman..who does she think she is? her majesty? go to hell with her...just go n die...if you want..and stop pestering me with threats to die. guilt traps..just go n die...

i know that im saying all these in a fit of anger...but i just dun care now..

i have reached my limit..

it's too much for me to stomach..

she never ever ask for opinions.

she dun asks..she just DEMANDS.

*Superstar*

took pictures of clouds today..on my way to bio exams..

listening to superstar now....in the past, i dunno like the song..but suddenly i like it! haha...stupid la..

all papers down..except chem...so happy!

today for maths im soooo sooo nervous that i started calling everyone!! even my tutor..haha..in the end, the paper is ok la..hope i get an A at least 49/70...i must! haha...in the end, i think that i learnt the lesson the hard way...nervousness and worring will get u no where...must relax...hmm...today's bio is ok la..finish the paper on time...hmm...changed answers at the last minute...

today....i like superstar! haha...tokin to karmen now...

hmm..lets plan for the big day - the day when exams are over!!...i must go out!!!...as well as to my teacher's wedding..hmm...

my world..

my world rocks today! due to the slight feverish feeling that i had..l.it disappeared after i slept for an hour in the afternoon...then...did nothing much today..except going through the chem prac papers..getting myself mentally prepared..imagining that im there doing the experiment..with that stupid teachers..haha..

went to doctor's today...tried out a new type of antibodies..haiz..so sick...

haven study bio..haven do maths..haiz...did nothing much..except reading God's words for an hour in total...trying to digest it bit by bit...reading everything that i have read twice to internalise it...hmm...

i dunno why..but i just cant help seeing this verse everywhere...even on the net...when i just randomly go to other sites...

"I can do all things through Christ that strenghtens me." Philipians 4:13.

hmm...dun feel like doing anything now..except......

hmm...in my opinion, the first day of school is never an interesting day until today...in the past, i used to hate the first day of school...the starting of a new school term..oh...totally hated it..until today...today is special...coz over the holidays, i realised that i missed everyone..and i actually looked forward to today...today i woke up bright end early...went to school at the usual time..met karmen on my way to the hall...the way she walked..swayed her hair...is unique..that you can instantly recognised her from far! haha....

then...in my opinion, today is fun!! coz i managed to suan karmen first thing in the morning! haha....she bought us gifts..so sweet of her..and mandy gave me a holy bible!!! it's so cute...with holes here and there..haha...and she said that it's not a book..but God's words....sounded so serious..hmm..haha..the gp paper is so screwed up....but the journey of doing it is fun...trying writing a AQ question...with half a starting paragraph..then the conclusion..then the body..


the econ paper is fine..considering the fact that i got time to write four pages for my mini econ essay which is only 10 marks..waste ink...and still got time to find out which stoopid thing is making that funny creaky sound during my exams..haha...

managed to find out the shift im in for chem...shift 4..5.13..at 1.30...hm..i will go to sch early to eat lunch..

dunno why..although today is only the first day of exams and school..i felt as though exams are over...feeling unusual calm and relieved..haha..today i also dragged irwin to take bus..poor thing..and blur him..dun even know which bus stop to alight..haha..but it's my fault la..sorry...

reading karmen's blog now..the music is nice..esp everyone..the rythmn is nice..i just dunno why...as im listening to the music...im actually feeling what the singer is feeling..oh...so crappy...

Looking forward to the end of terms..so that i can go shopping with cheryl..hmm...so sian now...

=========================================================================

i dunno why...but just cant helping feeling happy..
happy for no reason..maybe i know why..but im unsure..
just keep thinking and thinking...

-----------------------------------

oh ya...i took this pic of clouds...so nice..and magnificent...simply love sunsets..next time..i must built my home where i can see the sunset clearly...

sick again....poor me...sick for the entire holiday..for the same reason : sore throat.

every twelve hour..i gotta take...4 yellow tablets...4 red tablets..1 blue tablet..4 soil color tablets...and two TABLE SPOONS of super duper bitter chinese medicine...poor me...and due to these medicine...i got stomach ache...so more medicine added...haiz..medicine day today...haiz...

gottta cramp for econs...but my mind refuses to...my mind is drifting off to somewhere each time i touched my books...except maths...haiz...

listening to twins' songs..very nice....soothing....

Soon, everything will end.

Soon, the youth day holiday will come..and then i can go out! yeah!

Soon, i dun have to study anymore..

Soon, i dun even have to breathe anymore..( but that will be about 90 years later..i wanna live till 100 plus...)

haha....
dunnno why...although the term exams are approaching...about two days later, im not even panicked...not my usual frantic self...in fact im looking forward to them..so tat everything will end..

tok to karmen yesterday...and she told me that we all should live life to the fullest, as though today is the last day of your life...

her words made me reflect..a lot on my life...

and today i went out with my family..and the similar scenairo is shown again....everyone wanted to eat fried kway tiao...and i wanted to eat porridge..coz of the stomach aches...but instead i was forced to eat something else...

it is my mum's way of loving me? forcing me to eat things that i dun wan to eat? all my life...i tried to compromise...giving in..but why cant she just give in to me for once?

i simply hate her.

Hate her. hate her.hate her. hate her.hate her. hate her.

i wanted to say that aloud..but in the end i didnt. because words have no eyes. they can hurt anyone.

hmm...so frustrated doing bio that i decided to pop by everyone's blog to take a look...on the average, everyone's blog is dying..coz of the terms....claire and moomoo's are updated on a regular basis...

hm..still feeling a bit sore over what my daad just said..."What are you doing everyday...sleeping so late..and..." This goes on for a few minutes..before he realised that im not responding to him..then he left.

Then it is my mum- the only person on earth that made me hate yet love her. Now is her turn to nag at her...no no no..rather scold me. Scolding me on staying up so late...blah blah blah...actually..i didn;t. i just took a nap in the afternoon..coz im tired from studying...and in faact she encouraged me to take a nap..and now...due to the nap taken, im awake...cannot sleep....and here she is...asking me why i took a nap...totally contradicting with what she says.

To BE EXACT, im suffering from symptoms of depression. This morning..im not...only until i touched bio..and together with the scolding and nagging from parents...

It's pretty difficult...trying to keep yourself happy..in fact it's tiring.

try to be me.

Try studying in a room...where everyone outside your room is talking loudly, turning on the tv at the loudest volume..screaming and shouting away...my mum scolding my sis..and my sis defending herself...cannnot be bothered to go outside and dilute the tension...

Try coping with a mum with depression. You may feel sorry for her...and try to cheer her up by doing small things...but her acts sometimes just put me off...scolding me for no reasons....questions like..." Why must you study so hard?...later you go crazy..." ..." I bet you won't pass the exams..the way you study things...."...she is like constantly pouring buckets..and buckets of cold water on me....mothers are supposed to encourage and not discourage...

in fact im a hot tempered person..it's already very difficult trying to put up with her for a long time already....

Try coping with undone work...stress...blackouts...depressed mother...noisy sister...threatening dad....

Just imagine. Im tired.

In fact...my mum is the ultimate factor.

Depression is now...her only redemption.

How can a mother be like this?

No one is perfect after all...including mothers..i guess..

today..i went out with her and sis to eat...and then it's the same prob again...she is like...deciding on everything herself....and then asked for our opinions....( which is not needed)...and if we don't think in the same way as her...she forces us to.

I hate this type of life. How i wish that i can kill her. if I have the courage and heart.

That's why i hate and love her.

hm...so bored today..but very happy...coz i managed to revise everything of maths! yeah....in total over the holidays...i declared about one week-ful of maths day...like yesterday is binomial day, today is trigo day! haha...i simply love maths to the core..and anyway, i have found back that old i used to have when im doing maths! that feeling of being free.....doing maths is just like a daily routine to me..meeting challenging questions is just like adding sparks to my life! haha...a bit crazy...but i truly feel happines when im doing maths..now...i have found back that old feeling of doing maths....when i do maths not for the sake of doing maths...in fact i think that maths is just like a skill...if you practise everyday...you will be comfortable with it...even if you meet difficult questions..because you have been doing them everyday....so you will be confident..and comfotable with it..

dunno whether you guys understand it...but..when the time comes...you guys will.

hmm...this statement sounds familiar...like what my mum used to tell us..."when you guys grow up, you all will then know what it feels like to be a mother..."

now...listening to cyndi's songs.....her songs made me feel happy..as well as reflect on the past....

dunno..what's wrong with me these days...but just can't help but reflect on what i have done each day...like...at night, before i sleep, i will reflect on the things that i have done for that day...and think whether i have achieved what i wanted to for that day...and reflect on the wrong things that i have done..and tried not to do it again...mental note...haha.....a bit crazy i supposed...but all these happened ever since i read the purpose driven life...no doubt..it changed my life...enjoyed reading it...


--------------------------------------------------------------

hmm...i realised that i always start my blog entry with the word'hm"..but who cares..anyway..i have panda eyes now!! coz i didnt sleep well yesterday..woke up at 7 AM bright and early yesterday and could not sleep..until it's about 12 plus at night..poor me...ended up watching tv..iron ladies 2 which is not very nice..and dracula 2000..stupid movies...and came across the film showing how cancer patient deal with their own lives..rather touched by this woman..she got cancer..i think that it's breast cancer...

.....and although she got cancer, she faced it bravely and never give up. And eventually she overcome the problem..and now she is sharing her story with other cancer patients..hoping to motivate them..keep them going...and even helped them..sending organic vegetables to their houses...advising them on what to eat...see what she has done...i cant help but reflect on what i read yesterday..the chapter in the purpose driven life...the book says that life on earth is only for a short while...it's only preparation for eternity...when we will spend our lives with god........so...even if we are faced with problems or terminal diseases...we should not be afraid...instead we should face them bravely..just like the woman who had cancer...

suddenly rmb what someone had told me...but just cant remember who said it.

" Face life positively..and no problem on earth will be too impossible for you to overcome. "

today..hmm..a bit boring...considering the fact that i studied a bit of chem. but feel rather happy...coz tml is maths day!!! yeah..and also because today i called karmen and she told me a lot of what she did during her trip to Malaysia...as well as what she bought for us..all the gums...chewing gum and bubbles gum...cracked a lame joke on gums and dentures...haha...so bored!i wanna conference...but guessed that i shouldn't disturb you guys...hmmm...

now...everyday seems to be a studying day to me...hmm..life should not be like this...i should try to work on it...anyway...i hope you guys enjoy your hols!

hmm..at first it's out of curiosity that i began to read the purpose driven life book...but now im hooked onto it! just cant wait to see what is written on the next few pages..maybe i will consider buying it.haha...now reading the book seems to be a habit..over the past few days...hmm..

TO KARMEN: im so happy that you are back! i really really miss you X10000000000000000 over the past few days. i read your blog entries!! I wanna go too!!! i dun care!! i wanna go!! after reading all your blog entries on beautiful sunsets...hm..i can imagine it now..golden sun setting in streams of orange, purple and red!! so magnificent!! i wanna go!

anyway..did nothing much today...did a bit of maths....supposed to do functions..but ended up doing trigo..which seems to be my fav now....im always a bit crazy...liking the things that normal pple wont like.

and what's with the listing 20 pple on your blog thing? saw claire and karmen did it on their blog..when im free i will do it...

anyway..forget to tell your guys what happened today!

I went to kallang *again* to eat my fav prawn noodles..yummy!

and on my way back from dinner..we saw the ice cream man...the traditional one with the bell..and thgt tat it was the alarm from the atm..( which is often spolit..and ringing la..)...bought the ice cream....and also brought back fond memories...

i can still remember..that in the past, before dad was promoted and stuff....we often go and buy ice cream from the ice cream man...but..as we grew up...we don't see the ice cream man anymore.....haiz...talking abt this made me sad...

nvm...last week...to the term exams...i must make good use of it...going out to shop on tues in the suntec again..determined to buy that tigger soft toy that i have seen...childish me.

hmm...interesting day today..slept ard 12 30 last night and woke up at 2...by that super dupr loud thunder, ended up staring at the frightening skies..then burying my head in my pillow and blanket....to sleep..nearly suffocate myself..haha...later woke at 8.30..thanks to the alarm clock...watched a bit of tv..today is maths day...so you know what i did...however..i got no mood for maths..totally no mood..haiz...so bored...did a few questions..abt 5 then watched tv...and saw how the artists...tracked down a unfaithful guy who two timed a girl..pretty interesting..at first but later boring..coz everyone knew the story plot..in the end..the gal found out..slapped the guy..then the fight between that two gals began..the bf came in and stopped...then got slapped...haiz..so common...then..he will say sorry and then walked away. all the same, isn't it?...anyway..if im that girl...i will...just box that guy...till he goes to hospital..then walked away. sound a bit rash and violent..but that's my nature..haha....

reading the online version of purpose driven life...the book is rather interesting..telling us on why we have a purpose in life...currently..im on the chapter on what drives your life.....found it a bit boring...but later interesting...captivating..esp one verse...Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold onto the pain through resentment......hmm..from the book...i also learnt about focusing my life...like..knowing your purpose in life..helps to focuse your life...hmm....

anyway..thanks aman!! * muack*...for the bible...looking forward to see it..although it's black and white....without pictures!..haha...so efficient.

hmm..now pondering over the discussion questions after each chapter..simply hooked onto the book now...haha...

i missed everyone!! however they never call me one???...* wails* *sobs* *cry* *shout*...haha

hmm...rainy friday..rythme a bit..indeed it's rainy. and i hate rainy day, coz it made me feel a bit sleepy, esp when you really need to study. Trying to find the mood to study...but it becomes increasingly frustrating when you know how much time you have..to study those mountains and mountains of books. talking abt mountains..i simply love my that marqee..( is that how you spelt it..anyway...my style..my way of spelling is unique. dun correct me.haha.)...and as for that mountain mentioned in the marqee...it's not mountains of books..haha.

went to my uncle's house today for ancestor gathering. sound a bit werid. as though we are ancestors. *touch wood* haha...anyway reached there about 10 30...sat ard trying to study..but cant..coz i realised that the ability to speak super loudly came from my father's genes. and it's obvious that my uncle has that gene from my granddad too....everyone is speaking so loudly..as though the hse is a fish mkt..haiz..in the end..switched on the tv and didnt study...in the past, i used to hate this type of gathering..thinking that it's meaningless..but now i realised its importance.

coz now a days..we dun sit together and eat anymore..as a big family. this type of gathering..only comes twice every year...new year and today. heartwarming..when everyone commented like.." why you so skinny?" " eat more...dun worry..there's still more stuff in the pot to eat.."...and in the end...i nearly finished everything...from that tasty pig tail corn and lotus root soup....to that delicious curry potato...and more...mouth watering....nearly died waiting to eat them...coz i waited for abt 2 and half hours before i can eat them....

reached home...so tired...ended up sleeping..woke up in time to eat dinner..then called peggy....asked her abt her trip to London...it's pretty nice to talk to her after not talking to her for months...when in the past, i called her every single day including sat, sun and public hols.haahah.....talking to her abt her London trip...glad that she enjoyed it....and laughed at her experiences there...with the tea mistaken for beer incident..to the running across the airport from gate 1 to gate 11...experiences...with a hand luagguage..as well as that forty packets of tea stuff...sound so nice..i wanna go on a holiday!! anyway....she got me a necklace....with a dolphin pendant..so sweet of her..simply love her...

hmm...im a bit lonely now...for two days already...no one to talk to...lizzy and karmen are gone! ( on a holiday)..and...it's like....haiz...i realised that one can never get a lot of best friends...like...more than...6....anyway....i missed everyone..in my gang...*( sound a bit gangster,..haha...) i missed cowmen...lizard..coconut..mandy, marie...ham...and more......

im dying from all the studying...which i cant finish...but never mind...i will try to motivate myself.

anyway..i strongly believe that such a strong person like me will overcome everything..i will...haha..super ego..

oh ya..it's gonna be father's day soon....wishing all fathers..happy father's day!!

<< A Dad is respected because he gives his children leadership.

A Dad is appreciated because he gives his children care.

A Dad is valued because he gives his children time.

A Dad is loved because he gives his children the one thing they treasure most—himself. >>

nice right? I copied it from somewhere...haha...gd nitez!

* complains* I just cant believe that im sick AGAIN. DOWN with FLU AND SORE THROAT ONCE AGAIN. it's like...i went to the doctor today...he asked me what's wrong..and i said sore throat. then his eyes widened and asked, " Again?"...Unbelievable...bet that he must be thinking that his medicine didnt work..but actually...i did recover from the previous one..and then down with a new one...haisz...poor me...it's hard and life is difficult...esp when i love talking....cant speak....and the flu...is making my world going crazy....to say it better....flu rocks my world...

did nothing much...trip to the doctor...reading gp?..haiz...attempt failed....didn't managed to read bio as planned...went to shop at suntec...in the end....went home empty handed...so boring..the shopping trip...*yawns* went there too many times already...and the food there suxz like hell..the yong tau foo made me feel like vomitting...the minute i reached home. Not going there to eat anymore.Across my dead body.

Yesterday i had a dream. In fact it's the same dream. It's pretty scary...because i realised that bits and bits of my dream are turning to reality. Let me tell you abt my dream...

hmmm....i dreamt that i went out with cheryl and irwin as usual...and then we took mrt to somewhere...i remembered seeing the mrt sign in my dream but it's blur. Then...we alighted and went to the shopping mall near it...i can vaguely remembered that as i stepped out of the mrt station, i turned back and saw the mrt station, as i headed towards the shopping mall.

The shopping mall...hmmm....we didnt shop...instead we went eating.....cant remembered what we ate...coz it's like....we entered the shopping mall..and the next thing is that....cheryl ad irwin said that they were full from all the eating..and cheryl wanted to go to the toliet...so i decided to accompany her....and on our way to the toliet...we passed by cold storage...and then we walked a couple of distance to the toliet which is near the carpark.....and then in the toliet, i closed the door....but left my hand there...so my right hand got caught there..and my fingers were a bit swollen....then...i cant remembered what happened...

today...i went suntec...and similiarly i went toliet with my sis...and it's like...the toliet is actually like the one in my dream...a bit eerie..and werid..and it's near the car park...and to confirm my fear...i really slammed the door on my hand..and similiarly my right hand's fingers were a bit swollen...like in my dreams...incredible...

but scary.


haiz....i hate getting sick...coz everything will go hay wire each time im sick...unfinished stuff,....packed schedule...limited time....

i used to say that we shld live today to the fullest...as though today is the last day of your life....but sometimes...it's just a bit too stressful.

hm...very stressed n bored from all the studying..as if studying helps..but now i dun think so..coz i dun even remember what i studied.. all those details...gone with the winds..trying to find a new template for my blog instead..hmm...in the end, decided to stick with this one..this one is still the nicest of all...read a bit of newspaper..and suddenly felt the urge to search on the country - Australia..for no reason...hmm..in the end, i have decided that in the future, i wanna go overseas to hold my wedding in Australia...coz the beaches are so beautiful and magnificent...hmm..and besides the scenery is nice!! those landscapes...hmm...haha...thinking a bit too far....

read many pples blog...karmen, irwin, claire, malcolm...hmm....* To karmen*: Hey, dun worry gal, k? no matter what happens, i strongly believe that as long as we have the determination to overcome it, we will overcome it. hm...sound so old..but it's the truth.

anyway....what's with the dying hair craze? over the holidays...i keep hearing many pple dying their hair....holiday is the dying hair season? haha...

Hmm.....dreaming now.....dreaming that exams are over now...haiz...reality is cruel at times.

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hm..when is the last time i blog? A few days ago..felt a bit werid for not blogging yest due to the fact that i wanted to blog everyday. Trying to resist the temptation of switching on the com...but then coz of my pw work, i needed to.so im here. haha...actually wannted to isolate myself and concentrate but realised that i cant. I still talk on the phone..going on the net..and switch tv. Perhaps it's really the holiday mood.

Sunday
After blogging..( did I? well..let it be..)..i continued with maths..my fav..i simply love maths! And in total, i chalked up 9 hours of my day ( that day) doing maths...trigo...learning to love it..and in fact love it now..50%? ...worked from 7.30 am to 11.00 pm in the night..cool? but a bit tiring..coz the nex day..im dead beat...suffering from mental exhaustion. hm..

Monday
Told myself that i needed to start work..for chem..coz too many chapters...and worse still...i forget everything that i had read..chemical kinetics...periodicity..mole concept...all gone! arghh...nvm..got started...read a bit of atomic structure...chemical bonding.interatomic..and then redox..did a bit of tutorials...i love redox now! i managed to understand that part on oxidation numbers after a few minute of reading yest...i read a bit of mass spec and periodicity as well...a bit dizzy haha...then i called the headquarters..at 9 something...coz i thgt that karmen wanted a conference coz she is leaving...in the end....talked at the headquarters..till 10.30 plus..and still no sign of her...it's werid..of how well we remembered what happened in the first three months...everything seems to have happened like...just like yesterday....when everyone is still around..when our class is bonded in such a way that no other groups can be seemed...and everyone is united...able to talk to one another freely...and best friends seem to be never just one...but now..hmm...but i still got lots of good friends and best friends...pple who i can confide in...like karmen, irwin, claire, lizzy, mandy and more....really miss themm...haiz...

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Saturday

Interesting day..left house early in the morning at ten..rushing to the mrt station, thinking that im late..only to find the other two were much later than me.hmm...the two of them wore green together..*big hint* shall not elaborate further, or else i will end up on the chopper board. haha...went shopping with them ( irwin and cheryl)..feeling a bit funny due to the color combination..two green one pink haha...anyway...went to eat..and supposed to study..but in the end didn't..only much to help cheryl solve a few easy questions..haiz...went shopping...not really shopping...coz i didnt buy anything...irwin bought shirts...only after a very very long time...in the morning..he's like choosing the shirts...then...decided not to buy it...then we went church...then rushed back to city hall to buy that shirt...only to find it gone..nnm..he still bought a shirt..indecisive guy....but i admit that im also like him la.....sometimes...i go islandwide...searching for a skirt that i like....once i like something...i will want to have it...even if you give me more expensive and nicer ones...blind me...

went church...during the service, i just feel werid. it's...the songs...with all the 'i love you Jesus' and stuff....i didnt really sang those songs..due to my sore throat and due to the fact that im not sure whether i like Jesus a not...so when i really like him then i will say it..or else im just paying lip service only..

learnt many things from the service..decided to share it here with you guys....

1) Dreams are substances for lifelong achievement. So...dream to achieve.
2) Without faith, it will be impossible to please God.
3) On earth, there are five types of pple..

- pple with NO dreams
- pple with LOW dreams ( to lunch? they replied when you ask them what they want to do)
- pple with WRONG dreams( like climbing up the ladder only to find that it's resting on the wrong wall)
- pple with VAGUE dreams
- pple with GOD'S dreams

4) Dreams busters
- Family
- Friends
- Fatigue
- Failure
- Fear

5) However, everything can be overcome with FAITH.

Anyway..after the service we went back to cityhall to eat and shop...and that's where i got called back. At first, im really very frustrated at the way im treated..with no freedom and stuff....really frustrated..and worried..that i willget chopped when i reached home...

but now i have come to the conclusion that....parents do love their children..just that my parents love me in a different manner.

Sunday

Maths tution in the morning...and did maths..trigo..in the afternoon until now...got increasing frustrated when i cant do a series of maths questions...all in one row..one after the other...watch a bit of tv...wanted to isolate myself and resist using com but decided to....with a bit of self discipline..hmm...learning now.haha....

family day today..went out to shopping for cream for my dad coz he got sunburn....last week it's me...this week it's him...coz he went batamn to play golf..looked a bit weird....beige and red..haha...then...for dinner we went to the hawker centre that we used to go..the food taste horrible..arghh..never mind...

kinda miss you all....after completely isolating mysef....haiz...

anyway..in case you all dunno...i didnt get chopped when i reached home yest...or else i wont be here...anyway...to eric..im not going to class outing...sorry!! it's not due to the fact that i dun wan to go...after i figured out how much i missed you guys ( old 1SD2)...but that friday...i need to go to my uncle's house...coz it's one of my ancestor death anniversary...haiz...family gathering...sacrifice...smoke...

Today i tried to make my mummy happy!! yeah!! a bit silly but true....perhaps one day our relationship will be much much better than before!

hmm...frustrating day today..simply cannot get anything right....let me show u my timetable today..simply got no life...

9- Bio ( processes...)
10 - bio
11- bio
12- lunch
1- last bit of bio...n then called karmen..
2- online
3- maths
4-maths
5-maths ( trigo...tutorial 10, 11, 12.....dunno how to do...dun want to do.....arghhhhhhh!!!)
6- dinner + maths
7- tv
8- online
9- online
10- gotta sleep

Read karmen's blog today....read about the bus journey....pple booarding the bus...alighting from it....in fact, i have come to accept the fact that life is all abt separations and reunions...without separations, there is no reunions...so what cry over separations...when there's going to be a reunion for this separation? nvm if you guys dun understand it....im a bit too mature today...

in fact, certain things...almost everything...hmm...good things indeed dun last forever...that's what memories are for. As long as we remember these fond memories, they will always remain alive and vivid in our hearts. Certain things....we just dun hav to own them....as long as we remember that they once appear in our lives, that's enough. Just like the toy i used to like very very very much .....then my sister threw it away..by mistake......i remembered that i cried nights and nights over it...until my eyes are swollen..and red...i still continue crying..haiz...until many days later, i finally realised that good things cant meant to be own....just appreciate them will do....toking nonsense now..haiz...

today's tv is nice...

hmm....frustrated today..pimple outbreak today..haiz...so frustrated today..simply just cant get anything right. when im studying...im not even studying coz my mind is like wandering dangerously...off to somewhere..which i dunno where...haiz...everything seems to be wrong..totally wrong in a complete mess..i haven study for all my subjects and the terms exams are like two weeks later....which is not long...haiz.haiz.haiz..so frustrated..even watching the last episode of dolphin bay didn't help much..coz i got no feeling...except feelings of frustrated....

watching magic kitchen today...Jerry is cute to a certain extent...when he smiles...he's cute...only cute and nothing else.....those dimples...haha.....then the film is all abt cooking...finding love...being loved...being ditched...overcoming curses....finding the feeling of love....making food that once u eat it, you can feel happiness...haiz..lame..but nice.

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Now, i got a feeling that im no longer human..in fact im just a scoring machine.

I didn't even know what date is today...honestly i swear....until i write this entry and have to key in the date...then i went to see the newspapers...haiz...

Haiz...sometimes...living your life is not as simple as it seems...like on the tv...whereby you live alone...you still need to consider abt other feelings...as for me, i need to consider abt other pple's feelings as well...as my mum and more.

anyway..quotes from xiao gang! i simply love the way he likes tianbian!! so nice!!
*( let me write down here.....so bear with me,k?)

THe more you try your best to forget him, then the more i will try my best to enter your heart.

If you need a shoulder, then let me be the supporting shoulder.

If you don't need me, then i will always be besides you, accompanying you to overcome trials and problems in the future.

haiz....he's so nice!!

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just save me someone....haiz....im like trapped in a vicious cycle...anyway, is my new blogskin nice? i love the song....

Class outing...hmm

Saturday:

hmm..class outing is great!! coz i managed to learn how to ride a bike with lots of help frm many pple..like irwin, karmen, brandon, alvin and stupid ham who kept on laughing at the way i rode my bike..anyway who cares, so long as i can ride one?..anyway, the great experience of riding a bike is never to be forgotten..at least for me..coz i bang into lots of coconut trees, palm trees, basically all the trees there....rode into a drain...ended up looking stupid..crashed my bike into the lamppost many times to be remembered...nearly bang into many pple..including one lady who said she need to get insurance immediately..haha...never mind, i can ride now...unsteadily..haha...had a race with ham and irwin..in the end...they reached there...for a very long time..before they even caught sight of me from far..haiz...crashed into many stuff on the way..later,ham gave me a ride on his bike...which is rather frightening..coz he kept riding me purposedly into lamppost..however i still managed to kick someone...haha..anyway..im not heavy k?is just that the rider has no strength..haha...but it's fun..*( except for the many bruises i saw this morning...ouch...) indeed experience comes at a price after all....

after cycling and phototaking...we went bowling..it's pretty funny..laughing at the way lizzy bowl..or rather threw her ball to knock down those pins....and as for me..it's like...all the balls are like..into that 'drain'...haiz...anyway..the others were pro...like menghui...super good...after bowling, we went to seoul garden at taka...alex lee drove us ( me, lizzy, pamela, laureen, jeanette) there..and we sort of get lost on our way there...coz alex lee missed a few turns here and there..and along the way, we sort of get werid stares from passer bys...seeing a car full of girls..with only one male driver..haha..and laureen said that it's okay...coz alex lee is one of us..you guys know it...haha...

went to eat at seoul garden....damm expensive..im not going there again..although i can eat a lot...so expensive...my wallet is like out of money...never mind, the food is good...lizzy ate a lot of cowmen's relatives...she simply love beef..so cowmen pls save urself...when lizzy is hungry..haha..then as usual, many things happened....like pamela, a 'pro' chef..cooked fish for us....crispy on the outside..tender on the inside..( uncooked...thus it's tender la..)..then me and her made wasabee noodles for the guys....gave alex lee a lot...and he's like...haha...next is the wasabee icecream which pam gave menghui...oh ya..and as for the fish...the guys ate a lot..esp honyiong who is pam's husband...he is the food tester..haha...and pam is like ordering him to do this and do that for her..like taking chopsticks and stuff...and hon yiong is like complaining...silently...with all the looks and expressions so funny!!! then...as usual, menghui is like ''cooking'' again...he managed to stuff pam's uncooked fish into the space beneath the wok..amazing..and he and the guys were like..haiz...too disgusting and messy to describe......next, menghui and pam added lots of stuff into a bowl and played a game...like the number game and the word game..and the loser had to take a sppoon of it...gross...i was lucky and didn't eat it...in the end, i left early coz my mum is like frantically searching for me...with 17 missed calls and more messages in the inbox..

and when i reached home...i got angry stares...anyway, it's not my fault coz she didn't specify what time i had to come..how early is early? anyway...she is so frustrating...that sometimes i just wished that she would say something like...don't ever come back if you step out of this house...then i would gladly run out..and dont come back...sometimes i do plan my escape plan...like roughly..at what time it will be ideal to leave home and stuff...crazy me...maybe i will be the next person on the missing list..haha...haiz...parents are frustrating...it is like why must i listen to them all the time, give in to them all the time...sometimes i just wanna tok to them abt it...but i guess that it's impossible..coz i find it hard to tok to them..generation gap..

suddenly feel that im like one of the characters in my lit text that i studied for O level..the bonesetter daughter...and im ruth..with a deprived childhood...grew up without many stuff...like chocolates...pretty clothes...never fly a kite, ride a bike, before.....childhood blank....and grew up with mummy's constant...and sometimes..i just wanna shout at my mum...but always managed to control my frustration....but it's just that my mum is like...constant nagging at me....non stop like a machine gun.....

mild depression is her redemption...haiz...it's pretty difficult living life..struggling with it....

sometimes you just cant have ur cake and eat it...

haiz..never mind....anyway i guess that i cant go out anymore...coz...i just wanna be a good daughter....

boring morning..yawn...sleepy morning due to the flu...which made my world rox and spin like crazy...nvm..im a bit okay now...considering the fact that i managed to crawl out of bed and catch a movie with my sis and mum...madagascar..wonder if i spelt it correctly.anyway who cares?..the movie is so funny!!!! im like laughing all the way..and of course, the movie made me happier and more cheerful...i simply love the song..sung by the monkey...move it!!! haha...anyway..the characters i likeed most are of course that stupid zebra marty...and the super cool lion alex!!!the stupid zebra is like dancing around...all the time..and the lion is like..so funny...esp when they are like stuck in the wild..and alex is biting his butt...hahaha....anyway...the movie is nice..must watch!!

anyway..im going for the class out....yeah!

hmm...rather frustrated today although today is supposed to be a happy day considering the fact that we all went for breakfast together early in the morning and claire n jadee went shopping with me..

hmm...so far no one really laughed at my stupid fringe and hair cut...breakfast in the morning was good and bad...good for all the laughing, teasing, screaming and shouting....bad for all breakfast..ermm..eeee...i hate vegetables...and the bitter coffee..i guess that it taste better when anything is not added to it afterall...walked there and took a bus back..thgt that we r late for gp..but realised that we are 'early' in the sense that not many were punctual enough...boring gp..

after that..went for lunch with jadee and clairy at bugis junction..walked and saw many earrings...and necklaces..and stuff..later after all, jadee left..while me and clairy carried on shopping..went to far east...in fact i brought her there!!!! i got a bit of direction sense after all....

at far east...we saw lots of earrings..shoes.. more than hundreds..of them..hm..went to ck tang...and saw more earrings and shoes..later went to suntec to meet up with my mum for more shopping...more earrings and shoes..and in the end, i bought one pair of nice earrings at far east la.....super nice! clairy chose it for me!

went to eat with mummy...korean stuff la..and went home...where all the frustration begins...the guilt trap....all those words" You don't appreciate me"...."You treat me like a servant.."..it's not that i don't help with housework..in fact i didn't...coz everytime i tried..she just critised me to no end...the last time i swept the floor..she complained that the floor is still dusty....when i washed the plates...the plates weren't clean and stuff....and more....and sometimes..i really wanted to hug her as everyone did when they were young...but each time i did...she just give me that expression....that..her shoulders are turning rigid as though she is being attacked...

since young, i don't remember any incident of me hugging my mummy...and my father carrying me piggy back on his shoulders...in fact they didn't.

since young, i don't remember any fond memories...those fond childhood memories that i have...

My life seems to be blank for the past sixteen years of my life...where i just grew strong with those love from pple around me...is that love to begin with? I used to ask...whether my parents do love me after all....by justing providing me with materialistic benefits...like clothes..shoes..textbooks..and stuff...

Well, perhaps this is their way of loving me...

perhaps...they just have a much different way of showering love, care and concern for me...

from young..i have been striving for the best...the best results..the best performance...but for what?

When my results are bad..i got stern looks from them...my dad doesn't say anything..while my mum would be like giving me killer stares....and as i grew older...all these were gone..perhaps they realised that i have grown up and know what's best for me...

These years..ever since sec 1....everytime i got my results back...it is like nothing to me...at first i will be excited...then i will show it to my parents..then..they have no reaction...no praises or scolding..whether results are good or bad...haiz..

until O levels results...handphone is my reward. FULLSTOP.

Nothing else....except for the fact he scolded me coz my phone bill is too high...

i know that im childish....but sometimes i really feel the urge to ask them whether they still love me a not...childish me..but i really need some assurance...

Yes..you may say that all parents love their kids...but i really need some assurance...

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exams are coming...i better draw up a revision timetable...and i must follow it...hmm...maybe i think that im not going to any class outing anymore...im tired for everything...im really tired...of everything..anything..every single thing...just want everything to end soon..

hm...nice day today..went out to macs at king albert park for pw meeting..thought that it was a bit too noisy to have a meeting there..too distracting with all the food and the people there ( coz next table..the pple are having their bday party..shouting..and singing bday songs..) but in the end, we still managed to have our meeting and completed everything on time..just waiting for ms loh to nod her head. haiz..nice day....

felt very reluctant to step out of house today..due to my stupid fringe..called karmen and she heard me ranting for a long time before i stopped. haiz..reached school early and saw huey ying..and more pple..they all said that my fringe is ok. my pw members also said that..hm..i dunno la...just thgt that it's a bit ugly...anyway, i really think that alvin is a great leader now..he is so on-task...he already drew the umbrella dryer la...so good at drawing all the physics stuff...and he nearly finished everything..so great..so fortunate to have him as a leader..must buck up..and contribute more..

anyway, on my way back home..i noticed that the clouds in the skies are so nice..fluffy like cotton candy...hm..yummy!!

went searching for blogskins...just cant find a suitable one tat i like more...

to be honest, the current one isnt the one that i liked most..haiz..

great day today..managed to take some time away frm work..for pw...haiz..

simply luv karmen's blog entry today..coz it's inspiring..

Anyway.if u see me tml...but don't laugh at my fringe or else i will really cry...

HMM..DECIDED TO TYPE ALL THESE IN CAP LOCK COZ IM SUPER FRUSTRATED NOW..NEED TO VENT MY FRUSTRATION!!!!!!

EVER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THIS YEAR,IM NO LONGER THAT ME THAT I USED TO BE...ALL THROUGH MANY MONTHS..I REALISED THAT THE STATEMENT ABOVE IS TRUTH.HAIZ...SO FRUSTRATED!! IN THE PAST, ALTHOUGH I HAVE GOT NO LIFE AT ALL...LIVING MY LIFE IN THE WAY THAT MY PARENTS WANTED, DOING THINGS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO...LIVING MY LIFE FOR THEM..AT LEAST IM LIKE A MACHINE...LEADING LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO THINK...ARGGHHHH...BUT NOW..HAIZ...SO MANY THINGS TO THINK...SIMPLY CANT CONCENTRATE...

IN THE PAST, I USED TO BE ABLE TO DO MATHS FREELY...JUST GIVE ME A SECOND..AND I CAN GIVE YOU THE ANSWER..BUT NOW..HAIZ...PERHAPS IT'S PRESSURE AND STRESS THAT I EXERT ON MYSELF...THAT MADE ME SUDDENLY REALISE THAT IM LOSING DIRECTION ALL THESE WHILE...LOST IN MY OWN WORLD...


SAVE ME...IM LOST NOW..I DUN EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO...EXCEPT TO STUDY..WHICH I CANT!!

hm..im here again!! yeah.the holidays are here..but sad to say that my term exams are coming soon..right aft the hols..haiz..nvm...my life is a bit screwed up recently with lots of problems..i mean LOTS of them...like me and my mum...my studies and stuff...you all know it...however i guess that it's my studies that are the most important to me....

Recently..due to many reasons....i simply cant concentrate...i guess that it's time that i have to find back my old self..hmm..sounds so complicated...anyway, i have got to go for pw tml!!! i hate stepping out of the hse recently....too lazy..yet i still wanna go shopping with so many things undone..haiz...must buck up.!!!!

anyway..i just cut my hair..and my fringe is so **** ugly!!!!! haiz..ugly fringe..i hate it..but what was done cannot be undone..just have to learn how to live with the mistake and move on....this concept applies to other things as well..haiz...

I hate my fringe...made me look like a...hmmm....china doll..more than a pri 4 kid!! arghh!!!

hm...hols are here...

perhaps it really took me such a long time to rmb tat the hols are here!!....too tired to rmb these days...felt a bit sad that school has ended for the hols..meaning that i cant suan karmen and the rest everyday...not even for one week..haiz...i had never really felt so sad before..especially when the hols are coming..indeed, coming to ac has been a rather enriching experience for me...with more fun, more laughter as well as more sad feelings when pple ard us left....anyway..life must still go on..haiz...dun worry..i will miss all my friends...karmen, irwin, ham, claire, jadee and more...miss ya and love ya!!

anyway, today is a rather boring day..considering the fact that i got a really bad flu..which got better after a long sleep..feeling like a sleeping beauty now..haha..

Slept for more than 10 hours today...feel so like a piggy, haha...
Did nothing..except watching tv, going online...haiz...life is bOrinG!!..nvm...i will try to make it colourful...with my pens and crayons...

And as for my prob, im currently sorting out my thoughts and feelings..trying to think rationally...dun worry, i will be fine...

Through trials, we will all grow stronger.

Bad flu day..

hm...bad flu day today...bad start...esp when i kept sneezing during maths tution and i totally dunno what is going on...my head is heavy and my world is spinning like crazy...as though the earth really spins at such a great pace to be felt..haiz..* cough* *sniff*..

I. r.e.a.l.l.y . h.a.t.e. b.a.d. f.l.u. d.a.y.s!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah..today we got half day, so we decided to go town..kinda regretted it..asi'm super duper tired now and due to another reason..of feeling unwanted, like a ball being kicked around..haiz...crappy now.

oh ya, before i forget, karmen, I really didn't mean to laugh at you. Really.So i shall be kind and not tell everyone that you fell off the chair in Mac..due to the broken chair leg.

oopps...i did it again..haha....nvm..everyone do fall sometimes..

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Liking someone is supposed to be a happy thing..when you can just day-dream about that person all day long..but why now...liking him seems so tiring....so tiring..that i just wanna give up...but just can't.....

Perhaps im stubborn...
Perhaps im persistent...

And i know that being stubborn and persistent is not good for me, as by doing so,I will be hurt more..but.....

i want everything to come to an end.

i want to be the old me again.Can I?

I REALLY REALLY DUN UNDERSTAND WHAT PPLE DUN LIKE THEIR MOTHERS UNTIL NOW...

HAIZ...THEY JUX KEEP NAGGING AND NAGGING..UNTIL YOU REALLY FEEL ALTHOUGH IT WILL BE BETTER IF YOU DUN EXIST..

WHAT'S WRONG WITH COMING HOME LATER LA? WHEN THE RUGBY MATCH REALLY ENDED ABT 7 PLUS..AND THE BUS JOURNEY REALL TAKES A VERY LONG TIME..AND AS IF I REALLY DUN NEED TO EAT...HAIZ...SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!

i'M SEVENTEEN..AND FOR THE 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE, I REALLY DUN HAVE A LIFE..SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH HAVING ONE NOW?

aLL I WANT IS TO HAVE A COLOURFUL LIFE, IS IT WRONG?

WHY MUST I LIVE MY LIFE ACCORDING TO HER WISHES ALL THE TIME? ALTHOUGH SHE IS MY MUM, DOESN'T MEANS THAT SHE CAN DECIDE ON WHAT I SHLD EAT, SHLD DRINK, SHLD WEAR OR EVEN SHLD DO..FOR THE 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE, I JUST FOLLOWED HER WISHES COZ SHE'S MY MUM...BUT IT'S REALLY TIME TO GIVE ME FREEDOM..

THE FREEDOM OF SOARING....

THE FREEDOM TO BREATHE....

THE FREEDOM TO SLEEP AT ANY HOUR I WANT.......

THE FREEDOM TO DO WAHTEVER I WANT....

I REALLY FEEL LIKE A BIRD IN A CAGE...WAITING TO BE FREED...

I JUST WANNA RUN AWAY FROM ALL OF THESE...

I JUST WANNA BE THE REAL ME...

FOR 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE, IM NOT LIVING MY LIFE...IM IN FACT JUZ LIVING MY LIFE FOR HER...AND NOW I REALLY HATE DOING THAT....

I JUST WANNA BREATHE...I JUST WANNA DO THINGS THAT I LIKE DOING MOST..IS THAT A WRONG?

I WANNA BE THE REAL ME...

ALL THAT YOU ALL HAVE SEEN IS NOT THE REAL ME...

The AC Spirit....

Five months ago, we all stepped into acjc with mixed feelings...happy..yet with doubts and uncertainity, coz all our friends told us that acjc is filled with indifferent and snobbish people..those rich kids...

We all came from different schools of different cultures and different backgrounds.

We are totally strangers from the start.

BUt after five months, we are binded and bonded as one...as what the school always say...our hearts, our hopes, our aims are one...i never really understood the meaning of this sentence until yesterday and today..

over these two days, we all witnessed history...in fact we made history..

Acjc won the netball and the rugby matches.

And over these two days, we are really cheering for them loudly.

In fact, over these five months, I have never ever felt so proud of being an ACSian...compared to today..when i saw the entire school rocking the fields with the cheers...although they were faint at times..but our school never give up...that undying spirit....really made me proud of being an ACSian..

Now, Im really proud to be an ACSian....and Im sure that my choice of going into acjc is the right choice.

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Hmm...one more day left before school ends. A bit sad..but claire is like so happy..that school is ending..and insisted that everyone must be happy..super duper happy...

A bit sad...I will really miss all my friends during the holidays...like moomoo chan, mandy, lizard, ham, coconut, clairy, jadey..and more....

I will miss suaning them as well as their suaning...haha sounds a bit silly..but it's true.

Never felt so sad due to the reason that school is ending..haiz...i have really changed..

anyway, now Im wondering how im gonna survive the holidays without him......haiz....

Missing someone is .....miserable.

HuRt...

I act as if i dun care, when I actually do.

I act as if it doesn't matter, when it actually does.

I act as if it doesn't affect me, when it actually does.

I act as if all those that have happened don't affect me much, when actually deep inside i'm bleeding..hurting like crazy...

Everything i do seemed to contradict with everything i feel and think.

Everything that had happened today...is like...hmm...just like when you are digging the flesh of your old wound out again....so painful..just like when you just got reminded of sumthing that you wish to forget...

oh..i forgot....

25 May is a very nice day...

Monday:

Major event: Choir concert..
hmm...before that, we( cow, mandy and me) went shopping at suntec n citilink..and mandy is like..running instead of walking...haiz..if she joins the Big Walk, she sure can win one la...haha..anyway, the shopping trip is so fun!! coz thru-out..me, karmen and aman are like laughing all the way..first is the stupid joke cracked by me..abt the tomato and chili stuff..then is the M n M which aman shared with us..the way she held the last two M n M is enough to keep me laughing for the rest of the day..next is the vibrating cow..gross..shall not elaborate further....then after that, we went shopping again..after the dinner...oh ya..the dinner was fun too..as i'm like taking aman's food....

"You want it?" I asked, then aman nodded her head.." it's mine, I can take anytime i want..".then i dumped the meat into her bowl..but she looked horrified...and said " just take it..."

This fragment of the conversation is funny...if only you all were there to witness her expressions...

then is the manicure thing..haha..me and karmen were laughing at the_____. so funny la!!! coz we were at the bodyshop n planning to buy a buffer for that person..

after that, was the choir concert...it's great..so great and soothing that i'm like drifting off to dreamland....haha...but it's nice...simply great!!

Nice day..but tired the next day..

Today
Too tired...didnt talk much until afternoon...

Boring chem..bio lectures...
Sleeping maths...econs..and gp...
THe gp lesson is gross...as they were like tokin abt gay marriages...the commitment..and stuff....and then irwin n ham n me were like discussing if the child has two gay parents..which one should he call father?..haiz..father 1 and father 2..

went back to crescent...was kinda disappointing...i thought that i will experience that strong urge of feeling when i return..but i didnt...

it's kinda distant from me now..perhaps..it's due to the fact that im tired..and there's no one there whom i know..everyone so different..

come to think of it..im missing crescent now...

Missing.....
the favourite hourly toliet trips to my fav G block toliets....
the canteen food...esp the chicken rice stall...
those benches next to the basketball court that my friends and i used to sit during recess n lunches....
those funny, crappy, interesting..n sometimes boring teachers...and those words that they used to say...esp Mrs Gek..."Why you always like that? Never hand up homework..."haiz..
and most of all, my best friends....coz they accompanied me through the highs and lows of my life....simply missed them...and did i tell u that i saw adinia yesterday..in the choir concert? simply felt the urge to rush up to her and hugged her...to tell her how much i missed her...but i didnt...perhaps...it's due to the fact that i cant express my thoughts and feelings freely....

Nvm...i still have all my friends in AC...haha...more friends to disturb....anyway, quoted from the Book of Cowmen Sense:

" Suaning helps to bond us better" ..

haha....

Super frustrated

hmmm....here's what i do today...nothing...haiz..

8-9.30 am - My fab n fav maths tution...feeling a bit tired aft it...a bit of frustrating when i simply can't solve the questions...

9.30am - 11 am - stoning

11am - 1pm - kallang prawn mee

1pm- 6pm - GP paper...took such a long time..in the end, still never do nothing..leave lots of q blank...simply love stoning now..

6pm - Now eating macs...eating completed...playing com games now...haiz tokin to cow now.

haha..boring day....planning to get a new blogskin but thgt tat it's too girly..haiz..

who's free tml? go shopping with me k? I'm bored to tears..rotting away at home...haiz...

HAppy...sleepy...tired day...

Slept for more than 15 hours in total..since yesterday..haha...gonna be a pig..super mega fat pig...haha....

Never do anything today..except for eating and sleeping..haiz....

So tired after the napfa..felt as though my entire back is going to break into a thousand pieces today...

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Brainstorm abt on life today...

suddenly realised that im so stupid all the while...thinking of dying...when life is so precious.....haiz....

Hence in conclusion, i will not commit suicide..so jac, you can stop telling me not to do anything stupid..haha big thanks to everyone that helps me during the period of depression..like karmen..irwin..claire..ham...jac and more...

* Thanks* ^-^ =)

hmm..i realise that i always like to start my blog entry with hmm..hmmm hmm..haha..
so happy!!! coz after today, I can take one week off.....from tests....haha...hate tests so much...now...

never mind..so happy that im going out tml again...
i wanna eat chocolates..............but i got sore throat..
haiz..so tired today..just wanting to faint and sleep in school..managed to survive the gp test..and came back home..wanting to sleep then cannot...haiz...never mind, i will sleep at 8.30...

so much things to do...but dun feel like doing it...

Sick and tired of it...

Anyway, I caught the sunrise today!! So magnificent..as the sun rose slowly, spilling light onto the surrounding clouds..dying them yellowish red...while the skies are a bit blue..so nice.....

bye bye..gtg to dreamland.....soon..after dolphin bay...

hm..rainy day today...actually dun wan to take out umbrella one..but it rained too heavily..in the end, i really look like a fool holding onto an umbrella in the heavy rain...

on my way back home, in the lift, i saw this cute girl with her granny...and she is super cute!!! with big eyes...that reflect innonence...as well as her two cute ponytails...seems to remind me of my childhood..which is not so nice....a bit boring...

But vaguely..i can remember my mummy also holding onto my small hands wherever we go..to the shopping mall...to granny's house...to hawker centre...i always like to hold my muumy's hands...although they are a bit rough due to frequent washing..by detergents and stuff...

And now...i realised that as we grow up, we no longer hold our mummy's hands anyway..but sometimes i still do..and my mummy will be like staring at me..as though i'm a kid deprived of childhood memories...haha...

How i wish that we can all return back to that part of our memories...

And now i discovered that...

Eating chocolates really make me happy!!!!

Although i have to pay a price for it..as well as getting sore throat...

haha...i must buy more!!!

Simply love the song in my blog.it gives me hopes abt the future..

fIVe tHiNgs tHaT mAdE mE hAppY tOdAy:

1. Eating chocolates..i dun care whatever consequences i have as long as Im happy...and eating chocolates is one of them...
2. Changing blog music from that sad one to my fav song...yue guang by Cyndi Wang..so nice!!
3. Walking in the rain.
4. Looking at those fluffy clouds that look like cotton candy...
5. Finishing the 4th draft of PI..and Sharon Loh said that it only needed some amendments...yeah!!

Live life fully as though it's the last day of your life.

This sentence is too true for me now.

strong winds..heavy rains..in the past, i used to run towards a shelter immediately whenever there's rain..but today..i just continued walking in the rain, without a shelter...as though one without a soul...as though one who no longer feel his heartbeat....

although i laughed a lot today due to many silly things that had happened...all these happiness obtained are superfical..as what abraham says...shallow....just like the wind, which brings temporary coolness but no permanent one....

Today, in the morning, i stared hard at the mirror....then i realised...

that i'm no longer the same anymore.
that usual shine on my face is gone.
that bright spark in my eyes was gone.
that bright smile was gone.

what are left are....
sunken eyeballs..that are dull...
only reddish swollen eyes remained...

it's pretty sad to realise that.....and i just cant help wallowing in self pity and depression.

it's hard not to.

I'm so depressed that I even thgt of the way I'm going to die..and on which day..which date...ard wad time....

Very unstable....

my heart is like no longer beating..haiz..hate this feeling...if wanna die, why cant die faster...

rainy day= wet shoes that made you feel as though you are a mobile aquarium.

boring lessons= time to stone

friends= a bit quiet today...cant stop suaning cowmen..

sunny afternoon= time to shop!!! managed to buy the shirt that i wanted..and have seen on sat...went back to buy it..using dad's credit card...haha...

sleeping evening= slept...and started stoning at the bio notes..just cant concentrate...

hmm..happy day today!! coz as usual, I got maths tution..and i know how to do every question! yeah!!However, i haven study bio, how?? anyway, dun care la..

Listening to the FIR disc that cheryl lent me...the songs inside are great!! I love the very first one!!! And in order to keep me happy...i decided not to listen to any sad songs for the time being...hmm no more sad songs..all happy songs!!!

managed to come up with something...let me show you how the dead is related to those who are alive.

dead - bead - bend - band - land - lane - line - live.

haha..a bit stupid...

nvm..that's me.

anyway, im still feelin a bit insulted by that stoopid uncle who asked me whether i'm sixteen..

ask him go and die la...somemore he still wear that all white uniform..that made him look like he's working in a mental hospital one..

nvm..i shall forgive him..

As being youthful is not a sin..it's a privilege..

haha super ego...

haiz..interesting day today..completely no studying...juz spending the day day-dreaming..watching movies..teaching cheryl how to pass her maths test..eating and then taking photos..

hm..the house of wax is disgusting...and gross..but nice la...gross in the sense..and the way the brothers killed the people in the town and made them into wax figures..so poor thing..both the brothers and the people...( the people for dying so tragically..and the brothers for being so...so..having no concept about life..just knowing abt killing people...and living in a made-up town...at least im better than them...i'm living in a real world with real friends..family...relatives...and ly life doesn't involve killing people...and stuff...

haha...it's werid..but it's true that this movie made me think further about the importance of life...it's indeed better to be alive than dead.haha...dunno why i take such a long time to realise it...

feel a bit much better..managed to sort out one small portion of my thoughts..


1) Living is better than being dead....depending on how better you manage ur life.
2) It's true that my personality is changing...from good natured to a bit hot-tempered.....and violent..

Rating of the day: nil....still a bit numb...although i managed to feel fright during the movie..can laugh..but just cant smile...im like forcing a smile during photo-taking today

depression- that's what i'm suffering from now.
Sad over the realization that i have no life...and these few days..im suddenly sad.....

Today is worst than yesterday..

At least yesterday I felt sadness...that mild sadness that spread from your heart slowly towards different parts of your body...while you heart is aching like crazy..as though someone just nailed it.

But today, Im just numb.

Don't want to think
Don't want to feel
Too numb for everything
Can't smile.

Just wanna stop breathing.

Hmm..today's pw is a bit boring..and we are basically stoning..aman is like looking at cute guys in the com.for once, i suddenly saw that gentle side of her..looking like a shy schoolgirl..*(when she is looking at the duunno who pic)..haha..the rest of the day is so and so..with a bit of complicated music..boring gp..and sleepy econs..

nvm...because i love the later part of school...coz of the peronality profiling workshop!!! the coach is so professional!! and she is so good..keeping us entertained for hours..that seemed like minutes to us!! I like that part when she is acting out what type of personality ( D, I, S, C) of men dating girls out..and the different type of personality of people crossing the road..and to tell u guys, I'm a pure type C personality gal..I'm a logical thinker..although i think that i'm not really..haha...

a bit nervous for napfa..after what karmen has done over the past few days- stressing on the fact that she has practicsed running..and she still cannot get the perfect timing..when i didnt even run at all..for dunno how many months....)haiz...i would rather fail econs than to fail napfa..so terrible..

dolphin bay is nice today..although it's a bit like mvp...with lots of tears shed over relationships stuffs..and more..

If only life can be that simple..

as though we are small kids...

so young...so naive....

haha.

hmm..today is a B-E-A-U-TifuL daE!!! yeah!!! Coz today's timetable seems to be short..everything seems to be gone in flash..like after bio,..chem...maths...chem..maths..econ..gp..then home!! A bit tired when I reached home..but on my way home, i saw many beautiful clouds!!!! I simply love clouds...of all shapes and sizes..like in the shape of cows, beef burger...hamburgers..haha...And by the way, today is great coz it started out as a great day...because I saw beautiful clouds in the morning as well!!! Tinted pink and orange clouds in the greenish blue skies...simply so beautiful..maybe i should be a photographer..so that I can put these magnificent scenery onto paper...*( but the problem is..how can I do it..when I'm blur??)

Anyway, i strongly believe that nothing is impossible..as long as you has determination...as long as you believe strongly, so strong that nothing can change your belief, dreams will come true...This is for sure.

Haha...feeling so happy now..due to the fluffy clouds...like cotton candy in the sky...like raspberry swirl ice-cream.....I simply love the one i saw the other morning..it's in the shape of a dolphin..so cute!!! And dolphin bay...haha...you all know what i'm gonna say..

PI...haiz..still have to make amendments..hope that it's not too wordy this time..haha..so happy...

I always easily get happy by many things in life...like fluffy clouds...dinner at jumbo....shopping( even window shopping)...getting new stuff...

And after all these things that had happened, I finally learnt how to relax..a bit..coz I understand that although God created us as human beings who are superior compared to lower organisms...he created us with flaws..no one is perfect...

You can ask why he created us with flaws..rather than perfect individuals..
But in my opinion..i think that he created us with flaws..so that we can learnt more stuff....like if you are rather hot-tempered....you can learn to be more calm..and level-headed.....

Nothing on earth is more precious compared to the lessons learnt and the skills that you have acquired.

Certain things...you have to experience them by yourself before you can........

Today's rating: 9.99999/ 10
I love maths..although they are
+ complicated at times
+ difficult sometimes
+ dead...all the formulas..enough to kill...

But to me, the ability to do maths is like swimming..
When you get into the water, you just know how to do it...the problem..is whether the answer is correct or not..
haiz..a bit crappy...

haiz...the beginning of the day is a bit stressful, due to the maths test..and from my tone, it's obvious that i screwed it up, suffering from blankouts and blackouts..only managed to solve the questions after i handed up the paper..feeling like slapping myself..nvm...anyway, the rest of the day is okay la..and claire..your cookies are simply delicious..if i didnt control myself, i bet that i have already finished the entire tub already...haha..nice..chocolate chips...yummy!!!* ( are you baking for AL. also??)haha..i think that you will kill me tomolo..

supposed to be studying for the test..but..you know la..decided to give myself a break...catching a breathe to see what's going on..in life, we are often too busy to appreciate the good things in life..and be thankful for it..so it's important that we give ourselves some free time..free time are supposedly to be spent doing things that you like..or at least slowing down to see what makes your life meaningful and memorable...sadly, i only realise it today...anyway, it's better that i realise today right>?..anyway, although today's chapel is a bit boring..the speaker still managed to catch my attention...and it's pretty scary to realise that my life revolves around studying and nothing else....time to reflect...haiz..

did second draft of pi...haiz..still too wordy..about 575 words..haiz..must cut down more..but it's like...everything is so condensed already..nothing else for u to cut down on..haiz...stressing..

nvm...i'm certain that tomorrow will be a better day...

well..today is simply a great day for me..minus a bit of frustration due to maths...a bit of boredom due to maths...haha...feeling so confident after my maths tutions..actually to be honest, i'm not very confident for the test, as I simply lost my motivation to study for maths...totally lost..dunno what to study or practise..haiz..but now, i'm totally confident..as my tutor said that i'm well prepared and i actually suddenly agree with it..haha..

anyway, i finally sorted out all my feelings..telling myself that marks, grades aren't everything..anyway, we should control them...and not let them control our entire life or else everything will be colorless...dull...boring...sad...

so happy today..went shopping with my mummy and family....went to eat macs..and many funny things happened..haha..anyway...

TO KaRmeN:

Happy MOothers' DAy!!! I always love you, k?*( despite all the suaning and stuff...anyway, u say that suaning helps to bond the class....=)

haha...happy day today..coz i finally understand what it is like to live life to the fullest...and not live it for the sake of living it...

hmm..what should I say about today..today is a fine day..as it started pretty well with the badminton pe..then after that, I can't really remembered what happened...as I practically like..dozing off during econs lecture..knocking into tables, trying to save my paper from getting wet..talking to lizzy during chem prac..staring hard at the screen during chem lecture...sleepy during bio lecture...laughing at the les photo taking during chem...and nothing else..

Sleepy, tired....feeling rather isolated for no good reasons..mood swings..signs..

coming maths test..don't want to care..but i wanna be a mathetican when I grow up...haiz..and it's not that I dun like maths, but it's like..the rate at which we are taking tests is so tiring..is just like getting yourself worn out and tired before the race..will you do well in the end? I'm a very good example..haiz..

coming econs..dun care..anyway I'm planning to drop it..maybe the term exams will wake me up..hoping so..

that feeling is back again..no matter how hard I tried to bury it deep inside my heart...It's just like you have just buried something deep inside the ground for a while, only to find your dog dig it out...

haiz..never mind, today got dolphin bay!!! I can get to see that cute guy!! anyway, I see the show not because of the cute guy, but it's because of the plot, ok?

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I don't want to know...

...your feelings towards me....

...whether you think of me anot....


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yeah..the song from dolphin bay is nice!!

hm..today is supposed to be a happy day for me, but somehow i just thought that something is missing. OH well,never mind. Today's lessons are okay on the average, considering that i never listen to any one of them with an open mind, it's just like a bypass, one ear in and before you know anything, the info is out again. How i wish that i can just stuff a cork in the other side of the ear to stop the info from leaking out...haha. Anyway, since today is my bday, i received gifts. But actually the present that I was shocked to receive today was actually from the palm..if you know what that means..anyway, the palm consists of laureen, debbie, jeanette, christine and jia ling. I was shocked to receive gifts from them...as i feel that i'm not very close to them after all..but never mind, I'm still glad that they actually remember my bday.. and I should make an effort to get to know them well...after all, they are nice people..i should not be that antisocial..

anyway, i really think that it's very meaningful to spend your bday serving the community..(in my opinion)..it is because..before i went to renci, I'm also very troubled and burdened by lots of homework..but after I went, i actually felt much better as in the fact that I'm more optimistic about the future..in ren ci, we assist the old folks in their paintings and drawings and stuff...it's pretty fun, helping them..although it takes some patience..it's meaningful, coz it's like from them, we can actually learn something...like taking things one step at a time..just like painting a picture..you first need to draw it...then decide on the colours..then mix them..and paint..pretty fun..laughing at a picture of a cow..( cowmen)

Went to eat.at novena square..pretty fun, coz davina and the rest bought me a bday cake..wondering whether i'm clever( a bit ego today)..always guessing correctly that i have a bday cake..oh well..anyway, the mango cake is nice!! thanks for everything!! simply love it..haha..after that, we went shopping for lollipops for the class...and in the supermarket, we kept seeing 'cows' everywhere..that irwin and i weere sicck from laughing at karmen...

great day today..although i still can't figure out what's wrong with today..it's like something is missing or something..haiz..when i know, i will write it now..
went to visit cheryl's blog after discovering it..and went to take a look at the bday photos..i looked so ugly in all the photos!!! anyway, never mind. inner beauty matters who, in my opinion..although i'm a perfectionist..

rating of the day: 1 million zillion / 10 haha...impossible..but today it is..

yeah..feeling so happy now that the chem test is over and that the next test is next week..and most importantly, my BDAY IS TOMORROW!!! Although i'm getting older by a year, and it's strange of the fact that a woman is actually getting happy over it, i still happy!!! anyway, during the chem test i suffered from a major brainblock..aka blackout..so I didn't managed to complete the paper with all the ideal answers..haiz..

still feeling a bit happy, although today is a rather boring day with lcm, econs and general paper..but i think maths still managed to brighten my day up a bit...although the day is long, and i wanna sleep...so happy!!!! wondering whether i will get lots of gifts tomorrow...anyway, i dun think so..because all these years, all my friends in crescent always give me belated gifts...haiz....so pathetic..haha.

finally know who is that person smsing me this morning..amazed at the fact that I got such good memory to remember things that actually like 6 years ago..

feeling more and more like a mugger these days..i shouldn't mug, coz it decreases my ability to do things..as it simply zaps all my brainpower, affecting my concentration and stuff...need to go for time management courses to manage time better...

watched bbc today...remind me of karmen..whether she's Beef Burger Chan...or BIG Burger Chan..haha...

so happy...

today's rating of the day : 10000/10!! ( such a great day!!)

bday trip

soooo happy yesterdaay..coz we went out to celebrate my bday..although 'very few' pple came..well, anyway,it's a bit dull at the beginning..coz everyone dunno what to do and we ended up like meeting up in popular??? huh??? anyway, after the meet up in the orchard popular, we went to cine and of course, as karmen is busy talking to aman, julius with his girlfriend, laureen, eric with alvin....they lost me..or I lost them?? anyway, it's really silly...coz they are going to cine to celebrate my bdayy without me.

and of course, they managed to find me in the end..as I managed to folloow the crowd of shoppers to taka la.and when we reached there, we saw cheryl and irwin looking rather fishy...I just know that something is going to happen..coz I saw two cake boxes..stupid of them not to hide it...and next, as all of you know, the mini=cake got smashed onto my face..but i didn't really get dirty..instead irwin and cheryl did...( they gave themselves away...by...the boxes..the way they smiled at me yyesterday..the constant reminder for me to CLOSE my eyes and make a wish...and the way they stood behind me)...am I clever...haha..

after that, wanted to play pool but didnt..instead we went sight seeing in hereen..listening to music..( FIR is so nice!! I love all their songs...)...and went to shops...so as to make me slightly stable a bit..anyway, I managed to recover in time..and didnt allow these feelings to affect me.

Next, SAMARA.
It's a bit more horrifying than i thought it is. BUt it's rather funny to see everyone's reactions in the cinema...haha..it's like after the show has played for 5 min, i saw aman closing her eyes.sleeping next to me...cheryl holding her bag up to cover her eyes,...irwin using his fingers or rather hands to cover his face..haha..actually I wanted to frighten laureen, who is seated in front of me...but i'm afriad that she will just get julius to kill me...

anyway, at the climax of the show, i actually laughed..at the way the female lead and the samara are struggling with one another..the samara climbs the well so fast..i bet that she practise everyday..and that she use certain techniques to climb..first the hands, then the legs...so fast!!

after that, we all dun feel lke eating, so we just went to taka..in the end, to see aman and irwin eat..haiz...then we took pictures..so fun...

after that, we went home. And on the journey back home, on the bus, as usual, i went to unwrap all the present..and to my horror, i saw something else in the box..haiz..they never fail to make fun of me..even if it's the end of the trip...haiz..never mind, i like the card that cheryl gave me..the fireworks are so beautiful...as well as the tigger that she pointed out to me...


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wondering why i'm feeling so happy when I'm actually growing one year older..never mind..so happy!!! yet disappointing over certain stuff..you guys know it.

anyway, yesterday night, i kept thinking of the samara..the way she scratched the wall, her eyes, her well-rebonded hair, the way she climbed the well, her wrinkled fingers due to years of soaking in the well, her cries of mother....they all stay vivid in my mind...

haha....my birthday is coming in three days time!!!!!